Dear Caytrin,
Today marks your first full week at college and while you have been super busy with a whirlwind of activities, I wonder if you are worried about making friends in college. I wanted to take a minute to share my thoughts with you on making friends. I have lived in at least six different geographical locations and attended three different colleges and worked at another three colleges in my adult life (say the past twenty years!). I know what it is like to start over and to be the new kid on the block. With this in mind, I created Kat's Top 10 Ways to Make Friends in College (or any new situation) just for you!
Kat's Top 10 Ways to Make Friends in College
1. Give Yourself Time:
This is important, Trin. Give yourself time to make friends. Lifelong friends take a lifetime to make.
2. Extend Yourself:
This one is a difficult one for shy folks, but with practice it becomes easier. Be open to meeting new folks, but don't assume that they will be drawn to your magnetic personality and start a conversation with you. Go out of your way to begin a friendly conversation with someone. Ask someone where she got her fabulous knee socks. Ask another if she has ever been to one of the football games on campus and what should you expect for your first game. Notice things about the people around you and use those things as conversation starters. I was standing in line for last minute orientation with several hundred other folks who missed all of the summer orientations. Class started in two days. We had yet to make our schedules (Does this sound familiar?). As I was standing in line looking at all of the other incoming freshman, transfer students, and graduate students I noted a woman who was about 20 years older than me. She looked like a teacher. So I struck up a conversation and asked if she was a teacher and starting a masters in education. She replied that she was there with her daughter who was transferring from New Mexico (to Arkansas) and was coincidentally and undergraduate in the teacher education program. She stepped to the side and introduced me to Shannon. With 20 years behind us and another 40 (or more) ahead of us, we are lifelong friends.
3. Take Look At Your Classmates:
Your classmates are in the same boat you are in. You are at a university that boasts over 4,000 freshman this year. I can guarantee that no matter how excited, bored, happy, frustrated, apathetic, or oblivious you think a classmate "looks" he or she has likely felt the same way you have at one time or another. See #2 and "extend yourself." During the beginning of my masters degree I felt isolated. I didn't know the professors as my undergraduate degree came from another institution. I didn't know my peers since they were mostly teachers in the public schools where I had just recently moved. It seemed that everyone had bonded outside of class and our degree program. And then I met Alayne. I had noted she was in another one of my classes and she happened to be carrying one my favorite books, The Giver by Lois Lowery. I leaned over one day before class and asked her if it was her first time reading The Giver. She laughed and said no, she was rereading it. So we quickly launched a debate about the main character and whether or not he actually survived the story. Me being the dark one and Alayne being so full of hope we argued about this fictional boy's fate for years. We still argue even though she was right, there have been subsequent books detailing his adventures. Alayne and I continued our studies together several years after our masters degrees when we began our doctoral programs together. We are life-long friends.
4. Form Study Groups:
Studying in social settings is more helpful than you might think. Not only is it a good way to meet new folks, but it is also good for your Grade Point Average. Whether you feel confident in a class or completely lost, joining a study group will help you make connections with other. It is how I met your father. Your dad and I were in the same biology class. Several of us had formed an informal study group at the large table in the biology building. One day I looked up and across the table and met your dad's eyes. You know how beautiful his eyes are because you have them! We became instant friends. Through marriages, births of our children, divorces, and remarriage your dad and I have been friends. He is a lifelong friend.
5. Investigate Extracurricular Activities and Share Your Hobbies:
I have already watched you do this. You have investigated the clubs on your campus and your biggest trouble has been narrowing your interests down into a doable schedule. Keep this up. Hike, canoe and camp with the outdoor activity club, volunteer to decorate for the Fall Fling, consider becoming political and joining the student senate. Visit the local yarn shop and sign up for free knitting lessons. You will be surprised at the number of folks you will meet. I have never played basketball outside of high school P.E. class. But my sophomore year in college I found myself taking stats for the intramural basketball and pickleball teams. I had a great deal of fun and made a few really good friends.
6. Explore New Cultures and Be Open to New Ideas:
You're on a huge college campus. Most large universities have variety of ethnic groups and they're always hosting an event! I grew up in a small town. Smaller even than the town you grew up in. I went to a tiny college. We only had about 250 freshman compared to your 4,000+. So it wasn't until I moved to St. Louis and later when I began my Ph.D. that I found myself in a place where I could explore new cultures. During my first teaching experience as an assistant professor I made friends with several Indian students. These students know how to party and are some of the most hospitable folks in the world. Additionally, the International Student Association on campus would host a spring dinner where students created dishes from their countries. Tickets were affordable, the food was amazing, and the talent show was always a blast.
7. Look Around Your Dormitory or Apartment Complex:
Dorms and residential living communities are designed to promote friendships. You have a roommate and two more suite-mates; a pod of four already. Chances are the Community Assistants or Residents' Assistants will be planning all sorts of activities to get you OUT of your room and into the community. Make it a point to attend some of these social events. And consider meeting folks down the hall or on other floors of your dorm. You have twelve of them!
8. Help Others When You Sense They Need Help
Caytrin, you are one of the most sensitive and caring individuals I have met. Keep your eyes open. Do you see that a classmate needs help solving that math problem? Does one of your community members need help with carrying her laundry? Does someone just need you to listen to them? Offering to help others out is another way to meet folks and begin making those bonds that lead to friendship.
9. Break Bread:
This might possibly be my favorite for I feel when you break bread with another person a special bond is formed. Invite someone to lunch. See #6 and #2 and ask a classmate where you can get the best curry or sushi and invite them to come along to help navigate the menu. The bonds formed during a meal are strong. This is why I always try to break bread with my classes at least once a semester. It helps them bond with one another as well as with me, their instructor.
10. Focus on Quality vs. Quantity:
All you need is one good friend.
And there are my thoughts, Miss Caytrin. I cannot wait to hear about your adventures. Have a wonderful weekend!
Love,
Kat
